I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
