you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
