Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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