We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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