Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I would ride that face into the sunset
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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