My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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