Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
