I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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