She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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