i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
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