please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
