She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
