Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
