So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
