I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
