As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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