think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
