just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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