Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
