I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
