Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
