How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
