I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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