Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
