I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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