How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
we made out on top of his cat.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
