Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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