I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
