I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
