Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
