Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
