the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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