We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
