its not stalking. its research.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
