There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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