Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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