we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
