I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
