ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
