Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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