North Korea, Best Korea!
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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