Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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