I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
