i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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