ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
false alarm, still single
Randomize
