Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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