Pants 0. Shit 1.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
