You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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