so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
