is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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