the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
where are my eyebrows?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
