i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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