omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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